Saturday, May 8, 2010

Do we need another holiday?

Happy Saturday folks. Did you know that a new holiday has been invented? It's called Birth Mother's Day and it's today - the day before Mother's Day. I had two thoughts when I found that out. My first thought was - oh, cool - we have our own day. My second thought was - hey, does that mean I'm not good enough for Mother's Day? My second thought is the one that keeps coming up. Back in the day, 30 years ago, when I was becoming a "birth mother" I felt exiled from society. Now I feel exiled from Mother's Day. Birth mothers ARE mothers and should be celebrated with all the other mothers on their day.

This is a topic that's way too huge to go into here and now. I don't want to hijack this art blog and make it something else, besides, I don't think Kelli would appreciate it. So, that brings me to this........... I'm in the very beginning stages of starting a new series of paintings about the adoption experience from the birth mother's perspective. I've been doing a lot of reading, sketching, note making and I've begun the first canvas (hence my reason for not posting much lately). Now I'm wondering if there are any birth mothers reading this who would like to share some of their story with me. I haven't worked out the details yet but I would like this to be not just autobiographical, but to give a voice to other women who've been silenced by her birth mother status. If you or someone you know is willing to share please comment or send an email.

So, in case I'm not on here tomorrow..... Happy Mother's Day to ALL the mothers out there.


Kelli said...

Maybe the reason for a Birth Mothers Day is for those birth mothers who did not go on to have more children. Others probably do not think of them as mothers and therefore do not include them in Mothers Day. It is a day for them to celebrate themselves even if the rest of society doesn't recognize them as mothers.

Carlynne said...

That's my point exactly! Society doesn't recognize us as mothers (having other children later makes no difference imo). Having a separate day keeps us separated and that's been one of the problems all along.

Anonymous said...

My daugher's adopted Mother has been really, really awesome to me. It isn't an open adoption but I get to see her often and they invited me to attend a Mother's Day luncheon at their church today. I sincerely hope this isn't a Birth-Mother's Day celebration. My daughter calls me Mom and tells people she has 3 parents so I have it pretty good but haven't always. I went through the stigma time with my family asking me to not come over for a while and other things. I desperately wanted to talk about my daughter when other Mothers started talking about their kids development etc but choked it down for years. I finally admitted, even at work that I had a daughter that I placed for adoption and it has gone well - no judgemental feelings from others at all.

Carlynne said...

fallendepths, thanks for your story. You are truly fortunate to have that connection now. My daughter's adoptive mom was great too when I found them although that wasn't until she was 22 yrs old. Happy Mother's Day to you!

TheEccentricLady said...

When I saw your title I thought "What?" I am not a birth Mother. I am a mother who went throught may years of trying and waiting and finally had 2 beautiful, wonderful daughters. But my opinion is, that having a seperate day is a slap in the face. You are a mother. If you have reunited with your child what a wonderful gift. If not, Mothers Day is probably painful but you are still a mother. I'm personally tired of people trying t be correct. Mothers Day is for Mothers no matter what your situation. Just a thought, What about all the women who have given birth to children who did not live? They were still a Mom and they will not EVER forget their child.

Carlynne said...

Thanks so much for your thoughts and I agree. Whether you lose a child through death or adoption, you're still a mother. After having my other 2 children Mother's Day became bittersweet. Another thought....adoptive moms don't have a separate day, they celebrate Mother's Day too as they should.